People perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. However, our recent research suggests that these behaviors fall far short of de-scribing good listening skills.
We identified those who were perceived as being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). We then compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference.
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With selective listeners, you’ll need to emphasize (1) the parts of your message they most need to hear and (2) the details that they’re most likely to filter out.
Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly.
Three characteristics describe supportive listeners: (1) discretion—being careful about what they say and do; (2) belief—expressing confidence in the ability of the other person; and (3) patience—being willing to give others the time they need to express themselves adequately.